I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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