Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
