Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
