I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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