I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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