I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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