do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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