when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
