After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
