ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
