The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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