weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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