batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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