Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
