There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
