Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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