i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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