Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
