Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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