thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Two words: blizzard sex
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
