You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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