between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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