You're completely useless in the revolution.
she was so not down for the gang bang
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
