I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
