do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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