JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
