Your dad touched me again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
