omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
