so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
