I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
