Ambien. No doubt about it.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Houston, we have a squirter
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
