Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
