You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
