I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
