My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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