We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
