I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just gift wrapped bread.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
