Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
