seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
