North Korea, Best Korea!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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