Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
