if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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