what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
