That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
