My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You can't special order awesome
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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