You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
