And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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