A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
