I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
me + whiskey = a bad person
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize