Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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