btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
