So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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