Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
